Category: Posts

Ideology, Myth and Magic: Femininity, Masculinity, and “Gender Roles”

When reading this article, I was reminded of an enlightening conversation I had with a colleague a few years ago. I was totally clueless to what “male privilege” was and needed help understanding. She, in a simple yet profound way, explained to me that after class, she takes the train to Brooklyn alone. She often sits as still and quietly as possible, often looking as focused as possible at her book or phone but, all the while being keenly aware and watching the other men that are riding the subway with her.

Image result for woman reading on subway

Reason being, she knows that she can be approached by, or even worse, harassed or attacked by a man simply because she, a woman, was traveling alone. “That Joseph, is what male privilege is”, she ended with. It was at that point that I saw it clearly. As Johnson describes the history of gender roles within the article, the constant description is clear, men are to be dominant, aggressive and therefore – “manly”. Women, being the opposite sex, are to be the opposite; demure, submissive, therefore, feminine. When either strays from the societal expectations of this gender role, they are looked upon in a not so negative light. What was most interesting and I can agree totally with, is when Johnson discussed how when woman doesn’t follow the roles associated with woman, they tend not to be challenged as harshly as a man challenging the norms associated with men. Because when aligned with the patriarchy, it is easier to accept than say, a man who rejects the norms put upon them in this patriarchal society.

Cities and Sexualities: Hubbard

In this chapter, it can be safe to say that the ideas of sexuality has been normalized in neighborhoods, towns, and the cities; all throughout westernized nations. In certain nations, there are areas containing the “red light district” or any other alias for some street prostitution; whether illegal or not. Sex can even happen in the streets, parks, flats, saunas, and brothels.  In Japan, there are even places called “Love Hotels”, for people to have intimacy elsewhere other than their homes. The point is that sex is normalized and can happen anywhere, specifically in private homes where couples enjoy their moments. The chapter also talks about gender roles when it comes to a marriage. The female are often expected to do the chores, raise the children’s,  cook food, while the male just provides and  feeds the family. However, its been stated that lesbians and gay couples most of the times share these tasks. It also talks about the dangers of sex which includes rapist, pedophiles, and incest. It was stated that some English Market residents feel that unaccompanied male refugees can be potential rapists. The introduction of the Megan law and the Sarah law was a turning point for pedophiles, which made people more aware of sex offenders that are living in their neighborhoods. In addition to this, it also mentions how household characteristics has been built on the assumption of heterosexuality. But as time passes and the city progress, the household characterizes is built towards single people, and also for lesbians and gays. In some cities, there are even “gay” or “lesbians” villages meant for these people and these households compared to other areas may have a notable difference.

Johnson: Femininity, Masculinity and Gender roles

Johnson explains that biological differences between males and females allows society to judge people, and place a social standard between masculinity and feminine traits and roles in society. I agree with this because as he stated women are often expected to be submissive and feminine as their traits, and other hand, males are expected to be confident, decisive, and assertive. In relation to this, this shapes society into a patriarchal  world where women are often tasked with the submissive and easy roles, and men are tasked with the assertive, physical workloads, and being the boss. Johnson explains that this incorrect because he explains how there are many factors such as the environment and setting. Johnson explains that biological differences between males and females allows society to judge people, and place a social standard between masculinity and feminine traits and roles in society. I agree with this because as he stated women are often expected to be submissive and feminine as their traits, and other hand, males are expected to be confident, decisive, and assertive. In relation to this, this shapes society into a patriarchal  world where women are often tasked with the submissive and easy roles, and men are tasked with the assertive, physical workloads, and being the boss. Johnson explains that this incorrect because he explains how there are many factors such as the environment and setting. He states that a man can become assertive and dominant if the setting is at home with his wife and/or children. But when the setting changes to the workload and he becomes an employee, he becomes submissive because he has to follow and listen to his employers given tasks. I can strong connect with this because I believe there are many factors that place a role. I may feel more confident and assertive around certain people and yet feel less confidence around others. Maybe a toxic shame can be a factor that shapes our feelings and personalty too. In other words, our “behaviors and feelings” are shaped through the interactions of other people in certain social settings.

Healing The Shame That Binds Us: Emotional Responses

In John Bradshaw’s article of “Healing The Shame That Binds Us”, many aspects of human emotional responses are overlooked by society as a whole. Even though these developmental responses to human interaction throughout life is imperative, they are usually swept under the carpet leading to various catastrophic consequences in life for certain individuals. Upon careful examination of Bradshaw’s take on how shame can either make or break certain people, these points came to mind. The vulnerability of human, the importance of society, and the risk of high suicide rate in communities.
We grow up neglecting and sometimes forgetting who we are as human. Being human encompasses the reality that you alone cannot do it all, and therefore must avoid hesitation to relying on others to mentor and correct you in areas where you lack either the knowledge or perfection needed to survive in a world where mutuality is a necessity. As Bradshaw put it, “we are we before we are I”, this draws ones attention to how we are all in this together as opposed to me against the rest. In this case one must be willing to put self in a certain vulnerable state in order to gain much. If this is accepted as a common creed, then shame can be averted from toxic shame to nourishing shame in order to facilitate individual growth. Also, realizing that we are our neighbor’s keeper.
The importance of human society is sometimes misrepresented when it comes to how children can be nurtured from infancy to adulthood. A healthy individual is realized by the type of society he grows in, as the old adage states ” It takes a village to raise a child”. A society that has invested more into infantile developmental programs is able to raise members who are well balanced with emotions when it comes to interactions and are able to redirect negative energy from (toxic shame) into healthy shame as Bradshaw’s article stated “one man is no man”, symbolizing the importance on relying on a healthy society to raise people who can channel toxic shame into healthy shame.
Suicide has become so much prevalent in our modern world without much attention given to how lack of early developmental programs have contributed to the sky rocking levels of suicide deaths around us. When we nurture people who are misinformed about their limitations and imperfections as Bradshaw stated ” to be human is to be limited”, we fails to alert them that it is okay to makes some mistakes and out of those mistakes we are able to develop a learning curve towards a healthy emotion ( healthy shame). Due to dereliction on such principle, many people harbor most emotions which at a certain time in life becomes incontrollable leading to outrageous outburst or even to the level of committing suicide to avoid the influx of emotions within. As Bradshaw stated “a shame-based person is haunted by a sense of absence and emptiness”, and this is common to a person who is suicidal due to their inability to let go of emotions, which later consumes their livelihood since such inability is reserved within an individual as a form of toxic shame, leading to many lives lost at a rate which could have been prevented with care and training.

The Many Faces of Shame

The Many Faces of Shame depicts how shame can be both a beneficial and a toxic emotion. Like any emotion if directed correctly it can guide us towards a healthy life. The analogy of the man and the horse starting out on a journey and go in any direction is a good depiction on how our lives need to have at least a guide or a means to an end. The emotion of shame grounds us in reality and checks our human ego that we are indeed not gods but mortal beings with physical bodies. According to Erik Erickson humans develop shame at an early age. The child needs a person to teach them the boundaries in society for them to learn. This is very important in the 2nd stage of development of Erikson. At the age of two, children become little explorers to the world. The children taste and touch objects to find out what they are. Which also leads children this age to be very harmful to themselves. At this age it is important to set the “shame boundaries” so to speak. Shame can manifest itself in many forms such as shyness, communicating, creativity, and the negative toxic shame. Shyness is a defensive mechanism that we can form when faced with unfamiliar settings. Not wanting to make a fool of one’s self by awkward communication or embarrassing communication people will stay limited to what they say. This stems back to Erikson’s 1st stage of development where one must have trust in someone before that lapse in communication can develop. Shame also can form the development of introspection that can manifest itself into a creative platform. As stated before not wanting to make a fool of oneself can limit us on creative means. Thinking that there is a right and wrong when it comes to art is very limited, as it is an expression of our inner selves. During recent years art has been pushed the boundaries in terms of the norms that had been previously seen. Finally, toxic shame forms into neurosis by making ourselves believe we are at fault or the world is. Trying to put blame and responsibility on ourselves or the world is a double edged sword. We are human after all and why it is easy to blame oneself that can form can change into victimhood rather quickly. On the flip side is can also lead to a sense of worthlessness. Another form of toxic shame is repression of certain emotions because the ones close to you never showed those specific emotions all too well. These repressed emotions will make you feel shame when you feel them which is toxic because as a human it is important to have the full range of emotion at your disposal. Once toxic shame engrains itself into us it is not easy to remove from our lives. The emotion of shame be made worse by our internal monologue, just thinking of shameful things when none have occurred can destroy our psyche. Knowing you are human and have the emotion of shame is important, but avoiding the pitfall that is toxic shame can be difficult. We as individuals hold the key to our own emotions but sometimes we lose them and it is important to regain control over them for a better life.

Introduction

Hello. I finally decided to keep this class. So sorry for this late response! To start, I am a sophomore here at Hunter College and will probably finish with an economic degree. Honestly, The main reason I am taking this class is because it fulfills one of my P/D requirements and this is the only class that fits into my schedule, and make me a full-time student. And learning about human sexuality does sound very interesting. Still trying to get use to this website and playing around with it. Okay, so that’s a little about me. Thank you, and nice to meet you guys.

introduction

Good Evening Eveyone

I am totally overdue for this paragraph but my name is Shane Leguillow. I am a transfer student from BMCC. I had taken a year off to get my finances in check but I am a full time student at the time. I am currently a Film Major and I would like to double major. I have many expectations and questions that I like to answer and achieve in Sex Psychology during this Spring Semester. I wanted to keep it short and sweet but that’s a little about me and just my goals this year. 🙂

Post #1

My name is Tyler Lubin and I am a visiting student from SUNY morrisville and a Psychology Major. I was born and raised in Brooklyn, NY. I wish to become a lisenced clinical psychologist in the future in the hopes to help others deal with their neuroses and/or any other personal problems they may have. That’s it

Introduction

My name is Nick Kirschman I’m a history major (Interesting I know)and a senior at Hunter. I grew up on Long Island and moved to the city after high school. My interest includes video games, reading manga, watching movies, and doing improv. I took this class because it was recommended to me and I look forward to learning more about the subject. I too am also a Futurama fan! so as a formal exit I will WOOP-WOOP-WOOP-WOOP-WOOP