When reading the Secret Logic of Men’s Sexuality, I can admit I could not fully relate to the author when it came to being enclosed in  an awkward sexual bubble due to my upbringing. In fact, I was just the opposite. However, when it came down to understanding how my significant other behaved and what they wanted (even today) it was a little fuzzy. I was always told that most men preferred a very sexually educated woman in the bedroom who could pull out all the tricks and perform in a way that earned her a gold star or his heart even. However, once I acquainted myself with my current boyfriend, who has “been there and had that”, there wasn’t much else I could give him in that area that he hadn’t already experience before. And therefore, the fantasy was gone. I stressed about our “firsts” a lot and was shocked when he told me I was the best he ever had! But what about the girl who could do ****?, I asked him.

You see, in my head, those things were what mattered. What man wanted “normal” sex? Even though I was promiscuous in my earlier days I was no pro that other men were used to. I just knew the basics. Reading about mens’ sexuality and talks of psychological fantasies being solving psychic problems, I’m finally understanding that maybe some men don’t have to enact their fantasies because they are possibly more secure when it comes to their sex life. Of course mine has fantasies but unlike other men I’ve spoken to about sex, he’s never pushed me into his ideals. In fact he doesn’t talk much about the concept at all. The part about men also wanting to be just as emotionally intimate is also a brow-raiser for me as I also was taught food and sex equaled a man’s happiness. When it comes to the bedroom, I was possibly wrong about my S.O. He has fantasies. That I am positive of. But are they really at the surface ? Is what I think is important in the bedroom actually that serious ? I had a friend once tell me that I was not sexual comfortable with myself because I also did not want to perform a certain way in the bedroom. I totally disagreed! I’m now seeing that just because I didn’t want to be that pole dancing manic type of girl who occasionally webcammed her fiascos, that didn’t mean I not sexually secure. The fact that I knew I was okay with not doing all of that extra stuff meant I AM secure. So, wow. Maybe my boyfriend is just that; sexually secure. It doesn’t make me less of a woman because I can’t do ****  and ### and it doesn’t make him less of a man If he doesn’t mind that I can’t.