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Men America Left behind

The remaining men who view the true man as the stereotypical man are feeling distressed. One of the main solutions brought up that could help this problem is trying to get through to these guys using their friends. If its true that slowly the old stereotype of man is disappearing then it is likely that these two types of men will interact. Friends will know the best way to get through to someone they are close to, they would also be willing to say it in a very direct way. The other way that would be very effective in helping the men with being distressed is the youtube channel suggestion, many of the people on the younger side of the scale given still frequent youtube, the difficulty would be finding someone who visually fits their mold as a man to also be able to effectively get the message across that its ok that you are not like your predecessors.

My Reaction to “The Men America Left Behind”

Kirsten Weir, in her article The Men America Left Behind, describes an alarming set of statistics related to drug addictions and unemployment rates among American men 25-54 years old from a psychological perspective–with a specific focus on the pressures of the culture of traditional masculinity and how they compound the problems. I agree with her statements on the diminished sense of masculinity and the resultant cycle of stagnation among the unemployed men mentioned above. I also agree with her points about the hesitance of the affected men to seek support (i.e. the stagnation) due to a long tradition of masculine self-reliance that acts as a hindrance, with the caveat that the above applies more to the unemployment problem than the addiction issue. In fact, this is one of the problems with the article–opioid addiction is rightly mentioned as a present danger that men face, but it is never directly addressed in terms of possible solutions and I am left to make the inference at the very end of the article that grapevine-like outreach would encourage them to take initiative in order to find help. My personal opinion is that a trickle-down approach to outreach is far too slow for opioid addicts, whose health can drastically worsen much faster than outreach can touch them. I would like to see a solution with more immediate yield, but I acknowledge that it is an extraordinarily difficult matter to pursue without a more comprehensive perspective, which is not Weir’s intention with this article. Another point of contention I have with this article is its disproportionate focus on the fact that these men are poorly educated, which left me with the impression (although I will grant Weir that a college degree provides more employment options for unemployed men, that is only half of the issue) that one requires a college degree or at least a good education to be capable of the profound introspection that results in a personal rejection of the pursuit of this stereotypical masculinity and likewise the stagnation mentioned above. In fact, the outreach measures listed in the final section of the article ultimately seem to be educational initiatives. I don’t fully disagree with this direction of the article, but it seems odd to me. Nevertheless, this was an interesting and enlightening read.

 

ARTICLE: https://www.apa.org/monitor/2017/02/men-left-behind

Response to Hlavka’s “Normalizing Sexual Violence”

It’s extremely frustrating to see and hear of experiences in which women are treated like they are nothing but literal objects to men and then they are conditioned to accept and rationalize masculinity, forcing themselves to accept masculinity’s various repercussions. I am not new to this topic whatsoever but every time that I read about rape culture it really angers me.

Early on in the reading, Hvlaka talks about the institutional strength of heterosexuality and how women are defined through certain characteristics, like passivity, vulnerability, etc. These institutionalized “qualities” subordinate women to men and make them vulnerable to sexual aggression. Challenging these sorts of norms of society is extremely difficult, and sometimes may even seem impossible depending on the circumstances, and it requires confidence in knowing that your actions, your refusal, will not lead to a violent repercussion. But, saying “no” is a dangerous decision for women to make because sometimes their life may be in jeopardy. In the reading, Hvlaka discusses situations in which young women felt pressured to accept certain sexual advances and could not say “no” because their social status was dependent on it (amongst other, more pressing reasons as to why they could not refuse). They would be socially ridiculed because their denial is likely to not be believed, and they would be assumed to have “wanted it [sex] anyway”. There are multiple hurdles to get through as a woman when faced with men that think and believe they can have their way with women and also believe that they will face no repercussions. Women in these situations must face multi-fold obstacles in order to have their stories heard and to have men held accountable. They must face social oppressive forces in their social circles, must overcome legal obstacles, must persuade the people around them that they are telling the truth and should be acknowledged, while also learning to healthily rationalize rape situations so that they learn to not blame themselves for the actions of predatory men. It is insidious to think that (as a woman) you cannot feel safe in the world around you because there is always a possibility of sex-associated danger. That feeling of precariousness is frightening and ever-looming as something that may happen. The “me-too” movement highlighted how these instances are just as likely in professional settings, too. And it reflects how universally dangerous masculinity and rape culture is because it permeates through all spheres of everyday life.

Fundamentally, how is this a direct reflection of capitalism’s property rights and the distinction of women as secondary to men based on the ideological understanding that women are also secondary because they are capable of giving birth? If women are socialized into believing that they are beholden to men, what does that say about our society and who we value most? How does the domestic labor relationship between men and women distinguish women as less-than and that their sexuality, amongst other things, is “not their own”, but instead, for the pleasure of men? How are our social constructs reflections of the material world around us, meaning, our labor relationships in capitalism? If anyone is curious, I suggest reading “Women and Socialism” by Sharon Smith. The book unpacks the exploitative reality that is the life of being a woman and tracks exploitation through a historical analysis over time. Worth checking out, especially because Smith writes in a way that is easy to digest and avoids theory-centric jargon.

 

 

 

 

The men America left behind

This was an extremely interesting read because it made me think of things in a completely different way. I normally see things in a positive way and see how our society is ever so slowly changing. Men and women are being recognized as equals within our society which is great; however, the men that have been “trained” mentally to view things in a masculine way are having trouble with this change. They’re having so much trouble with this change that they’re letting their masculinity (pride) get in the way of finding employment. According to Weir, unemployed men would much rather stay unemployed than finding a job considered a “pink- collar” job. This is due to their masculine pride that has been embedded into their brains since birth. We have only now started seeing a significant change in gender norms and these men are suffering due to these positive changes. For example when I was younger my dad ended up being unemployed for awhile and my mom was considered the “breadwinner” for our household. For awhile he had a personality change and you could tell he was depressed because his pride was hurt. With constant talks at home between him and my mom and the reassurance that what matters most was that our family was okay rather than who was providing for our family, he started to slip out of his funk. That’s just a small example of a male having his masculinity questioned by a female resulting in depression. This example is very small and was quickly and easily resolved due to open-mindedness. The whole idea of some men refusing to take  pink-collar jobs due to  having their pride hurt is insane. These men would rather starve and be homeless than to have their masculinity questioned. It’s very important that as an ever changing society we promote the positive changes we are causing because regardless of men and women becoming equals the idea of this change is not acceptable to some people and they would rather self harm than  adjust.

In with the new, out with the old

Kirsten Weir’s featured post called The men America left behind doesn’t shed light on anything new, but she does call attentions to some astonishing statistics such as the growing percentage of unemployed men not seeking work. There is a mental health epidemic on the rise that is heavily linked to the gender norms that are becoming less and less in favor of the traditional masculinity that has been around for decades. Our brothers, friends and fathers that have unwillingly subscribed to a life shaped by traditional masculinity are beginning to lose direction in which they must perform as people in relation to society. Men who have grown up with the ideals of traditional masculinity are losing sense of themselves and they are expected to behave. In a society that is slowly yet progressively egalitarian in gender roles, men are losing their power. This transition means that men’s power and their roles in society aren’t what they used to be and this leaves them feeling lost and insecure in their role in society. This is why the psychologists Weir mentioned are advocating for ways to connect to these lost men in ways they will accept, as most of them will not accept therapy as a form of coping with these changes in society and in their roles in society. We must combat toxic masculinity with the same platforms in which toxic masculinity presents itself. That means spreading messages in ways that aren’t necessarily viewed as feminine or weak. Toxic masculinity is everywhere and it has infected everyday communication/behavior and in everyday media. Campaigns must acknowledge all the platforms toxic masculinity presents itself in, use those platforms and combat the normalized ideas that toxic masculinity spreads. I have hope as I am beginning to see a push against toxic masculinity in many t.v shows, posts, memes and other forms of  everyday media.

 

Sources:

The men America left behind

Overall, men who conform to traditional masculine norms have higher rates of mental health problems.

Normalizing Sexual Violence

The article “Normalizing Sexual Abuse” by Hlavka poses many important and non discussed questions that needed to be brought up to light. This article written on the topic of sexual abuse reflects the situational problems people face when it comes to sexual abuse from childhood to adulthood, and the dangers of normalization around these experiences. According to the article- a 2011 study showed that almost half of a selected chosen college students stated they had an experience with sexual harassment assault, however only 8 percent of those individuals reported the incident to an authority figure.

This shows us the fine gray lines and imminent perceptions individuals hold around reporting sexual abuse. Numerous times we have encountered studies that will show us that the majority of the population who undergo sexual harassment and assault are women. This is very much true, however, I believe that it is important to ask ourselves an important question- how often do boys/men report sexual abuse? It’s important to know that this kind of abuse happens to men/boys as well, and it’s often disregarded due to that same idea of patriarchy and masculinity norms. Only in recent years, have we seen more advocacy, and more education in regards to sexual abuse and harassment, and although it’s important to note that these undiscussed and often disregarded issues are being addressed now,, it’s important to also note that these are discussions that we should have already fixed and sometimes they aren’t even corrected fast enough or throughly. A large problem stems from the mentality that society has with sexual abuse. Often times people choose not to disclose their abuse in fear that they will not be believed, they may also not disclose because of feelings of guilt, or even discredit what may have happened because they consider rape only as intercourse. This of course is highly wrong. From early childhood and later development young people “are socialized into a patriarchal culture that normalizes and often encourages male power and aggression.” Growing up we often hear the expression- boys will be boys, planting the seeds of patriarchy. Later as we age, we often hear of men that sexually harass, abuse or even cheat on their significant others and what they are often expressed as is sex addicts- and that they can’t help their urges, but when it comes to women, we are often given other titles or “diagnoses” if you wish you call them. This belief that men have insatiable appetites, leads women into believing that it wasn’t the perpetrators fault, but that instead it’s beyond something that can’t be controlled. Distinguishability is another factor in sexual abuse, while some are able to distinguish what’s normal and what’s simply not, many are unable to distinguish what is what. Often people internalize what has happened to them because they don’t define what happened as rape. For example, in the text, we see 11 year old Terri, who was forced to perform oral sex on a 17 year old neighbor. When later asked why she didn’t recount the episode of sexual abuse, she stated. “I shouldn’t have been there, my mom said I should have been home anyway, but I didn’t want to get raped so I had to.” The power of linguistics is so important in this conversation- I didn’t want to get raped, so I had to. This shows us the inability this young woman possessed in defining her encounter as rape. She assumed that because no intercourse happened that it wasn’t rape, but honestly anytime you are forced to do a sexual act on another person or vice versa and you do not wish to do so, it’s rape. The other thing that’s clearly noted in this text is the guilt she faced because it happened at a time where she was somewhere she wasn’t supposed to be- and that’s a huge problem as well. Often times people blame themselves, or don’t believe abuse happened because they were doing something they may feel they shouldn’t have been doing, such as, drinking or doing drugs and somehow choose to blame themselves in fear of authority reprisal. I remember when I was a young girl this happened to me, I had discredited an encounter of sexual abuse, because I had snuck out, and was drinking and I had blamed myself for the encounter, I also feared that my mother would find out and so I didn’t let her know.

The conversation on abuse can go on and on forever, but what we need to do is start conversing on it more, because when things aren’t discussed, then it just boils over with a vengeance, and it leads to severe emotional trauma and turmoil. When problems are not discussed than solutions are not made. This article shows us the importance of discussing abuse throughout all ages, and communities and what problems we need to tackle head on. It’s a very much needed article.

Sexual Harassment & Aggression

Sexual violence and rape has been a continual problem throughout our society. While, as a society we have become more open in discussions and fighting rape and sexual violence, our patriarchal, misogynistic society has and continues to fight against and justify actions of the perpetrators.

All we have to do is look at the recent case of Judge Kavanaugh and the Supreme Court nomination. The fact that this woman who was clearly a victim of sexual violence was exploited, humiliated and vilified only indicates the subjective views had upon this topic; the fact that it happened while adolescents and spoken of as adults should not matter. This type of behavior and treatment of victims and perpetrators further perpetuates the entitlement many men have when interacting with women and justifying their heinous acts towards them.

When we as a society find ways to justify, and minimize the crimes and horrific experiences women suffer from rape and sexual violence, we only hurt ourselves as a society and impede progression. The irony of this entire topic is that throughout history, rape and sexual violence has been helpful in stereotyping and criminalizing men of color however, often times, when a white male, particularly one of affluent means, are often made to be victim of the temptations of the “vamp” like woman he has assaulted.

The men America left behind

I was recently told by a family member that my 4-year-old son whines too much.  As perplexed as I was about someone commenting on a 4 year-old whining, because that’s what 4 year-old’s do, I was more taken aback that the same relative never complains about his older sister, my daughter, who flies into a fit of tears when her pencil breaks or she drops a paper on the floor.  It soon dawned on me that because my son was a boy, they felt like he shouldn’t be crying.  I truly didn’t understand the double standard in this situation.  But, as I began reading The men America left behind by Kirsten Weir, I was given a better understanding of this frame of mind and the issues that come with it. 

Weir points out that the ideology of the male gender norm enforces toughness and a lack of emotionality and we are socialized into these roles from infancy.  In my opinion there is a strong idea of how a man should behave in society.  Showing emotion deemed as feminine and it shouldn’t be that way.  Men are human beings too and carry emotions just like anyone else, but they are afraid to display these emotions out of fear of being shamed.  According to Y. Joel Wong, men who conform to these traditional masculine norms are more likely to suffer from mental health issues like depression and anxiety.  She also touches on how we can begin to eliminate these stigmas through education and promotion of therapy for men.   

I think it is important to open the discussion on issue with masculine ideologies.  There is a shift in our society as to what it means to be masculine and some men are having trouble adjusting because of these ideologies.  The lack of discussion causes men to have the idea that they are in it alone and cannot express themselves freely without being shamed.  Let our men know it is ok to seek therapy and to have a good cry sometimes so that in turn they can teach our boys the same ideals and bring up a new generation of well-adjusted and emotionally sound boys.   

Shifting notions of Masculinity

“The men America left behind” depicts a great change in the way men are coping with radical change. As shifting demographics towards more feminine values occurs more “Masculine” men are being left behind and its their notion of their own masculinity that is getting in the way. As the job market also shifts to more pink collar jobs and men have to conform to these shifting norms of a more feminized work environment. A big factor is education it seems that less educated seem to be left behind far more than educated ones who can challenge their thoughts and beliefs with a new idea and way of thinking like, what does it mean to be a man? The less educated seem to perpetuate the idea of what a man should be. (This rings true in my personal experience as I’ve had people who work blue collar jobs who never went to college take a took at my hands and call them “Bitch Hands” for not being calloused enough for their liking). Like most ideas if their is no opposing side an echo chamber forms and the same ideas bounce off the walls and merely exacerbate the wrong ideas. This notion of masculinity is no different as men in general are stuck in this very primitive idea of who and what a man should be. There is hope though as therapy is a viable option for people  who are willing to seek it out. Of course it is up to the person to make an effort and come out as having a problem before accepting help. Wong in the article explains that “men who are most in need of outreach are the least likely to attend workshops or talks”. Though, it would seem that education seems to be the best way out of the masculine hole that previous generation have dug for themselves it is difficult to teach it later in life. So efforts to teach it for free earlier in life at community centers and early education is essential.