Author: Marko Read

Normalizing Sexual Violence

A failure to educate the youth on how to have healthy sex and what constitutes healthy and un-healthy sexual behavior is what breeds sexual harassment. Adolescent knowledge on appropriate and inappropriate sexual behavior often relies solely on pop culture and peer communication. Our schools do not teach us that male aggression is not a normal part of sexuality. Instead, the role of sexual aggression is adopted and reproduced through osmosis. Personally, I never received any sexual guidance from my parents or any figures of authority as I developed. When I encountered love and sex for the first time I allowed it to be all consuming because of popular discourse around “true love and undying love.” The first person that I fell for was supposed to be my last, and because of this mindset, even when my relationship became toxic I clung to it. I clung to it for fear of failing a “natural” portrayal of romantic encounters that doesn’t actually exist. In the same way, I believe men become predators over time by performing a role of “uncontrollable libido.” They alienate themselves from their own body and then alienate others from their bodies. They adopt a threatening and imposing demeanor because this way of being has been normalized. If it wasn’t normalized, then sexual assault would be reported, because it would be abnormal and detestable. Currently, sexual aggression is a defining trait of masculinity. If we allow this type of sexual aggression to remain a central part of masculine identity, then this cycle of sexual abuse can only continue, because men will continue to adopt and reenact sexually invasive behavior. It’s perfectly human to want to feel powerful and in control of a situation, but your control should not impose someone else’s. Sex is like a dance and we’re not teaching our children the right steps, through silence we’re teaching them that stepping on each other’s feet is okay. In a dance we lead our partners and we don’t control their movements, by objectifying women we imply they should be controlled and not lead. In fact, toxic masculinity even disallows women from taking the lead in bed because of the “popular” notion that, “a man should fuck and not be fucked.” I believe that with a reformation of popular conceptions around masculinity and sexuality instances of sexual aggression would dramatically drop. Positive self actualizing masculine traits should be portrayed as human, rather than isolated to a single gender, and notions of sexual aggression and control should be portrayed as toxic, gender neutral, behavior. Clearly the types of discourse that we have been partaking in has corrupted our way of thinking to the point that young women attempt to rationalize their own mistreatment. To the point that young men feel that it is okay, if not expected, for them to treat women in the most heinous of manners.

On The Female Price Of Male Pleasure

I enjoyed the Loofbourow article and agreed with it overall, but also found myself disagreeing about one thing in particular. Overall, I agree that men and women have vastly different experiences with sex and that women are culturally conditioned to ignore their feelings when they become uncomfortable. I agree, when she says that women have been conditioned to expect pain when it comes to sex, we can see this in our myth about virginity. On the other hand, men have also been culturally conditioned to be strong and not show their vulnerability. Because of this I don’t believe that a twitter poll is an accurate indicator of what constitutes “bad sex,” in a man’s eyes. Personally, I know male friends who have, and I have been in, situations where we’ve been degraded, coerced, abused, and ignored our negative emotions about the sex we were having because of toxic masculinity. On the internet where I have to be the best version of myself, where toxic masculinity is amplified, I personally would never even consider mentioning/admitting that any of those experiences happened. I agree that our society sweeps under the rug women’s sexuality, and in numerous ways attempts to make it conform to a man’s, to the point where most women don’t orgasm during sex. It would be entirely inaccurate in my opinion however, to assume that the pain that comes from our society’s lack of understanding of sex is one sided. Most often, when a system creates disparity and displeasure between groups, all those who are involved with the system suffer because of this in one way or another. Shining a light on women’s suffering is important, but that paragraph makes men’s suffering appear non-existent. I find that to be dangerous.